Dark Paradise
by Goddess of the Books
Summary: After losing the love of his life to the Blight, Zevran must deal with living without her. He allows himself a day to mourn her, and everything comes rushing back. Thing is, he isn't sure that's a bad thing anymore.


**Dark Paradise**

Her lips brush mine gently, her hands on the bare skin of my chest. It's perfect, she's perfect. I lean up to kiss her and she pulls away teasingly. She's taunting me. I smile. She can tease me all she wants. We have forever. She shifts her hips as she straddles me, and then leans down to press a heated kiss to my lips. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. I pray to the Maker this doesn't end. Her body fits perfectly against mine and she breaks the kiss, looking into my eyes, a smile on her perfect face. There is a gleam in her pretty blue eyes and suddenly there is a strange fear growing within me.

"Don't leave me Tinuviel." I whisper, and I hear desperation in my voice. I can't lose her. She shakes her head. She leans closer so that her lips almost brush mine. Her eyes close as she whispers.

"Never." The movement of her lips makes them brush mine and I desperately want to hold her close. I want to look into her eyes and tell her how much she means to me. I want to break every rule and go against everything. I want her to know that I love her. Forever and always. I close my eyes and try to get a grip. When I open them, she's gone. I feel something break within me and I want to scream. I don't want to wake up!

"YOU LIED!" I scream at the empty air, blaming her for leaving me. I don't even have the strength to sit up, and I lie on my back. I feel the tears gathering in my eyes and I shut them tight.

"Come back to me." I whisper this time, and I no longer care if I cry. I need her. I don't want to lose myself in alcohol, I want to lose myself in her. Her taunting smile, her mischievous eyes that were full of love when she looked at me. When we were alone, she would give me that smile. The one no one else was allowed to see. I should have known that night that it was our last night together. She cried, my brave Tinuviel cried. I thought her afraid, but I should have known that she knew. She knew she was going to die.

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I close my eyes and see her face. Not smiling, but wistful. My eyes open and a strangled cry is torn from me. It hurts so much now. Ever since I lost her she haunts my dreams, and now I see her in my waking hours. Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. She's there. She's alive and with me, reassuring me, telling me that I'm ok. Telling me I'm fine. She's so wrong. I need her. I need her and she isn't here.

I sit up and close my eyes tight, hoping for the black. The unbroken darkness that is my sole comfort now. That and my dreams. Every day I spend alone, but every night I am with her. All I want is to see her. To hold her in my arms, if only for a moment. I reach over for the bottle of Antivan brandy by my bed and my fingers close around the familiar bottle. I bring it to my lips and take a long drink, not even tasting it. I lie back, the bottle still in my hand, and close my eyes. I see her and feel another tear stain my cheeks. She shakes her head sadly, and sits down beside me. I open my eyes and she's gone. I'm alone.

I force myself to my feet and get dressed. I leave the room silently, daggers both obvious and hidden on my person. I walk into the main room of the brothel and feel sick. The thought of being with someone makes me feel ill. I'm only here to get away from the Crows for awhile. The prostitutes here remember me, and welcome me back when I choose to visit. I walk into the main hall and sit at a table in the corner. I take a long drink and it isn't long before someone sits down across from me. It's Caterina. I am grateful for that, as she knows about my condition.

"Zevran, seeing you like this is killing me." She looks at me, concern in her eyes. I look away and take a drink. The bottle is light, and nearly empty. I'll need more soon. I sigh and close my eyes. I don't want to talk. Tinuviel is beside me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I keep my eyes shut tightly as I imagine her voice. She is so real, so close, and I hear Caterina calling my name. I don't want to open my eyes. I don't want to see her instead of Tinuviel. She nudges me and I am forced to open my eyes.

"You have to get over her." I meet her eyes, and feel anger within me. How could she possibly expect me to get over Tinuviel? I loved her. I still love her. I will never stop loving her. I feel all the anger fade as it is replaced with sadness. I can't move on. I don't want to. All I want now is to die. I can't though. She would hate me for doing such a thing to myself

"No." My voice is weak and I want to sleep. I want to dream and lose myself in her. Every night it's the same. I go to sleep and she is there, waiting for me. Every night I beg her to stay. Every night she promises she will. Every morning I wake up, and my heart breaks again. I don't want to wake up anymore.

"Zevran! You cannot continue to act so childish! Do you think she would want you to sulk?" I stop listening, imagining Tinuviel in her place. Her blue eyes meet mine and she reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I can almost feel the warmth from her skin. She frowns and whispers the words that hurt me the most. "I'm sorry." I refocus on Caterina before standing and leaving abruptly. She shakes her head and walks off. I leave the brothel and make my way through the city.

I wanted to take her here. She would love it. There is always so much going on and the colors are so much more vivid here than they are in Ferelden. I can almost imagine her in the brightly colored clothes I know she would love. She would have loved the culture. The dancing and constant hustle and bustle in the market. She would have wanted an Antivan tattoo as well. I remember when she told me how much she adored mine, and how much she loved the style. She would have taken to blade dancing as well.

Soon I find myself on the outskirts of the city, and I stare up at the cerulean sky. I keep walking until I am out of the city. I lie down on a grassy spot and close my eyes. I feel my shoulders shake as thoughts of her fill my mind. I fall asleep under the open sky, and she is waiting.

Gentle fingers caress my skin and she offers me a smile. We're just outside of Antiva city and she has a new tattoo. It curves over her right hip in an intricate pattern adorned with dark wings, like those of a Crow. Her hair falls about her shoulders and her eyes meet mine. I want to lose myself in this moment, because something is wrong with it. It isn't real. I don't care anymore. No one compares to her, but there is no her. I am only with her in my dreams now. She smiles easily and I find myself able to smile as well. Pure love fills me as I look upon the ghost of my love. She may be nothing more than a dream, but I can accept that right now. I need her, in any way I can have her.

"I am waiting for you Zev. Forever and always. Take your time love, I have eternity." Her voice is full of longing and love, and her fingers trace my tattoos. Suddenly I can't breathe. I feel the familiar ache in my chest as she indirectly tells me she's dead. I knew. Of course I knew but she never said it. She never told me. She kisses my forehead before speaking quiet words of reassurance. I don't want to wake up.

"Please don't leave me Tinuviel..." I whisper, pulling her close and breathing in her sweet scent. She shakes her head.

"I never left." Her eyes meet mine and she kisses me softly, her smooth skin touching mine. Suddenly she is snatched away from me and I wake up, breathing heavily and staring up at a darkening sky. How long have I been asleep? I sit up and admire the beauty that graces this land. I find myself missing Ferelden though, because it was there that I had my love. I stand, sighing. I have a guild to run. I have had my time to mourn and be miserable. Now, I must return to the Crows, pushing my thoughts of her away until the night, when I can lose myself in her.

I turn, looking back at Antiva city. I don't want to go back, but if I don't then I'd be giving up, and I have never been one to surrender. Except for her. I feel one lone tear slide down my cheek and I close my eyes before taking a breath. When I open them, I can almost feel her nudging me forward. I can't give up. For her. Maker help me.

**Well there we go. It's about bloody time I wrote a fanfic about my favorite Dragon Age character. I know it was terribly sad but it had to happen. Blame Lana Del Ray! She wrote an amazing song called Dark Paradise and all you fabulous readers should check it out. I should be getting back to my LotR story soon, so yay! I kinda wanted a happier ending so he lives on for her and her memory. My OC is Tinuviel Mahariel and she died to kill the archdemon. Anyways, hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are appreciated!**

**Goddess out.**


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